Painful Sex - Vulvodynia and Vaginismus Help in Los Angeles
It can be emotionally difficult, shameful, and embarrassing to have pain during sex. These valid emotions can expand into other areas of relationships, often affecting intimacy and connection with partners. There is confidential, supportive, and comprehensive help for vaginismus, vulvodynia, and painful intercourse. Working with an experienced sex therapist, physiotherapist, and medical doctor gives you emotional and physical tools for healing and is a great resource for health information for this common problem.
Do you feel like you want to share sexual experiences with a partner, but the fear stops you from enjoyment?
Do you avoid situations that might lead to physical intimacy?
Do you feel like your body is betraying you? Or are your mind and body not working together?
Do you experience guilt about having painful sex?
I understand the emotional turmoil that we face when struggling with sexual health, and I will help you find pleasure instead of pain.
What do vaginismus and vulvodynia feel like?
The general term for pain during sex is dyspareunia. This means you have pain, burning, or discomfort at any point during physical intimacy, before, during, or after. You may feel this externally, inside your vagina, or even in your pelvis and abdomen.
Many women experience painful intercourse due to vaginismus or vulvodynia. When the vaginal muscles spasm and involuntarily contract, making intercourse painful or impossible, this is vaginismus, and the discomfort felt is unique to each woman. Perhaps you feel spasms, a tightening, or there is a blockage. You may be unable to receive a tampon or partner, and you may find that your sex drive begins to decline.
Vulvodynia is discomfort in the external area, and you may feel stinging, rawness, or burning when touched. These two conditions are related, and one may lead to the other.
Sexual problems cause emotional stress
What's equally important is how this pain during penetration hurts your emotional health. You may begin to dislike sexual connection or even fear it. Comfortable and pleasurable experiences like using tampons, toys, and fun play with your partner become scary and disheartening.
There are both physical and mental origins of these conditions, and making progress away from this pain toward healing and a fulfilling sex life is possible. I am here to validate and support your physical and mental experiences. I can help you discover new ways to be confident in your body and your mind to find a fantastic sex life.
The pain cycle and its effect on mental and sexual health
Many types of discomfort during physical intimacy and the resulting negative mental states create a seemingly unbreakable pain cycle. You may know the cause of the pain, or it could be more vague than these reasons:
Vaginismus or Vulvodynia of unknown origin
Endometriosis and other pelvic region conditions
Menopause, including pre-and postmenopausal women
Past physical injury
A past emotional trauma
Anxiety, shyness, embarrassment, poor body image, depression, and a wide range of treatable mental states
Vaginal dryness and irritation, sometimes with lubrication
General sexual dysfunction or another medical condition
Subsequently, this frequent pain during intercourse creates distress, anxiety, and lowered confidence. These feelings create fear, leading to avoidance, denial, guilt, and overall strife in your relationships.
These emotions also exacerbate your body's physical pain when attempting sex, and the cycle continues.
Breaking the pain cycle
Sex therapy can help you break this cycle. Working together, we can develop a personalized plan to help you overcome the cause of your pain, the triggers around the pain, and how to move from fear and discomfort into pleasure and joy. I use a holistic approach that reinforces the powerful union between your body and mind to begin this process. This may look like traditional talk therapy, and I am also experienced in many other evidence-based treatments, including somatic therapy, EMDR, and brainspotting.
What to Expect From Sex Therapy Sessions to Help Vaginismus and Vulvodynia
Sexual therapy sessions are safe spaces to discuss your concerns in a non-judgmental and validating environment. Understanding and addressing your pain is the first step. Initially, discussing your concerns and sexual history leads the way to a plan and timeline that you are comfortable with.
Talk therapy
During this therapeutic journey, we may explore past trauma and emotional pain and the unique pain cycle you are experiencing. Talk therapy is one way to do this. I use relational gestalt therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) during sessions.
Relational gestalt therapy is dialogue-based communication that allows you to find greater awareness of yourself. Think of it as two people sharing experiences instead of a traditional patient-provider relationship.
Acceptance and commitment therapy help you move through emotions instead of avoiding and deflecting them. You will mindfully develop a plan with concrete steps to find positive change.
Other techniques that provide relief when intercourse hurts
EMDR is a technique that works to untangle and move away from past negative experiences using sounds, tapping, or eye movements. With my guidance, you can process traumas without reliving them. This technique helps you find safety in your body and reaffirms the mind-body connection.
Brainspotting uses techniques that tap into your visual fields to access unresolved issues stored deep in your brain. Finding those brainspots can release past hurts or sexual abuse to create forward progress.
Somatic therapy emphasizes the close relationship between body and mind. Together, we can uncover how your body holds stress and relaxation and work to strengthen a nurturing mind-body relationship while resolving inner conflicts.
(add links to your other pages about EMDR, Brainspotting, and Somatic therapy)
Are dilators right for you if sex hurts?
Dilators are a series of vaginal inserts in various sizes used to stretch the vaginal muscles and improve sexual intercourse. Suppose these aids are something you are interested in. In that case, I can work with your medical team, be it a pelvic pain physical therapist, a gynecologist, or other medical doctor to support your desired outcomes.
As you work with the dilators, I will support your bodily experiences as well as work through your feelings and thoughts while using them and how this extends to your partner and sex.
If dilators are not the right choice for you, I am still here to help you overcome your pain with intercourse. Your custom counseling plan will fit your comfort level.
The Emotional Impact of Painful Intercourse on Relationships
Painful intercourse can profoundly challenge relationships - both with your body and with a partner. This often leads to increasing distance from loved ones and strained relationships.
Sharing your feelings and physical struggles surrounding sexual pain is difficult at best. Learning to communicate about your experiences and how you like to find closeness with your partner doesn't have to be a lonely journey.
Improving communication as part of easing painful sex
Part of the healing process extends beyond yourself and into your relationships. Despite knowing yourself and your partner, communications need strengthening to create better understanding, empathy, and vulnerability from which true intimacy blooms. I offer professional guidance, individually or as a couple, and give you concrete techniques and tools to rebuild a healthy relationship with open and safe communication.
I can help you navigate your intimate desires, and that might not even include intercourse. There is more than one way to connect. If finding pain-free sex is something you would like to work toward, I can help you with options on how to navigate this without pain.
During sessions, expect to find a nurturing and compassionate space that is free from judgment and includes valuable patient education. Healing can take many forms and many roads.
Learn more about feeling disconnected from your partner here. (link to disconnected blog)
There is help for painful sex in Los Angeles.
Reach out for a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation to explore if therapy or sex coaching is right for you. I offer vulvodynia and vaginismus help in Los Angeles and via virtual sessions.
I am happy to meet in person at my Los Angeles office. Telehealth services are available for clients in California, New Mexico, and Florida. Thank you for reaching out, and I look forward to meeting you.
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